I walked through an unwanted divorce and a life-changing physical illness within a span of 5 years. I was supposedly entering the “best years of my life” so both events were unimaginable and not on my radar. If you’d like to read more about my story, click here.
Through both traumas, it was hard work to navigate the difficult process of healing without getting lost in depths of depression or repeating past behaviors. In order, to move forward, I needed to check to see if I had healed, was ready to let go of the past, and finally close the door. Then, I knew the next step was to learn How to Begin Again.
To some, my journey was long, and at times, I felt the pressure to be in a space I wasn’t in yet.
But having tested the waters, realized I wasn’t healed, and allowed for more time, I feel confident that the process I followed was right for me…and it took time.
How often have you heard: time is money, it just takes time, and time is relative? I feel these are phrases to help others cope with uncomfortable situations that they don’t know how to navigate.
Each is valid in some way. After a trauma that can’t be seen, most don’t have the ability to quit work to heal – we trade time for money. We can’t put a band-aid over an internal wound and hop back into life for the sake of others either – we don’t get to stop the world to heal, it just takes time. While time is completely relative, so are the traumas that happen to us – one is affected differently from another in the same situation. So, how do you heal yourself, on your own timeline, in a way that works for you?
Think about a physical scar. It is easier to deem a visible wound as healed because you can see it. The time it takes, and the final appearance of the scar is what varies. Two people can have the same cut, in the same place, but the process and result are different.
Healing internal scars is the same. For me, it took nearly 4 years until I thought I was healed, but as I took some initial first steps into new waters, I quickly realized I wasn’t ready. My scar was healed on the outside, but NOT on the inside. Had I pushed forward into a space I wasn’t ready for, I would have eventually bled all over the next person to enter my life, and that wouldn't have been cool.
Heading back into healing mode allowed me to learn that I needed to consciously decide to seek awareness about my situation and allow myself to do this without judgment. This gave me space to feel out my surroundings at each step and decide when I was ready for something bigger. Like dreaming…big!
Next time, you will learn why beginning to dream again is an important step in beginning again. In the meantime, jump into my FB community, Abundantly Enough, to join the conversation in a safe and helpful environment.
Looking forward to seeing you there.